Have you heard? Lara Bingle is pregnant with Sam Worthington’s baby and congratulations are most definitely in order.

Staring down the barrel at 30, Bingle had been keeping a watchful eye on her biological clock, knowing full well that her B-list celebrity career and wilting good looks would soon catch up with her at the juncture of All Washed Up and Stuck For Cash.

What’s a Sydney princess to do? Trap a rich guy by getting pregnant, of course. Enter the unknowing Sam Worthington.

Annette Sharp fails to bask in Bingle's "Baby Joy"

Annette Sharp fails to bask in Bingle’s “Baby Joy”

This scoop crock of shit comes courtesy of the Daily Telegraph’s Annette Sharp, who at the weekend reflected on how for women with “seasonal” or “short-lived earning potential” such as “fashion models, performers, athletes and media starlets … oh and ironwomen and B-list celebrities … the path to financial security remains clear — hook yourself a rich guy before your good looks start to fade.”

According to Sharp, Bingle has followed in the footsteps of Candice Falzon, who unexpectedly (but oh-so conveniently) “snagged” the multi-millionaire cricketer, David Warner, and – pow! – three months later, fell pregnant with his child.

“As with Falzon, new romance and a subsequent pregnancy were gifts from heaven that happened at the right time,” Sharp writes.

In Sharp’s world, women cannot possibly choose (or not choose: accidents do happen) to have kids without an ulterior motive – nor can men, it seems.

Mandy Nolan

Mandy Nolan

Thankfully, writer and comedian Mandy Nolan has called ‘time’ on Sharp’s sharpness. After all, as a dude “in charge of his cock”, Sam Worthington might – gasp! – actually want to become a father. Vaginas aren’t man-eating villains, you know. Or maybe they are…

“Are we still inferring that women use their twats to trap their men? Like we’ve got some sort of angry bear trap down there!” Nolan writes at The Hoopla.

“There we are, those of us who are losing our social currency, lying in wait with our labias spread wide, waiting for good looking successful men and then SNAP!

“We’ve got him by the cock. As we suck his man juice into our empty wallets, we feel ourselves fill up. Credit cards are recharged. Mortgages are refinanced. Botox is ordered.”

Why? Because “handsome rich men can only love young, beautiful princesses, not women who are clearly their equal”.

Please, Ms. Sharp, cut us – and yourself – a break.

Thankfully, one comment beneath her bitter banter nailed it on our behalf:

“Leave [Lara Bingle] the bloody hell alone. God forsake celebrities are able to fall in love and choose to have children like the rest of society. This article is bitchy & written with a jealous tone. A waste of 5 mins of my life.”

And as Mandy Nolan said best: “congratulations Lara Bingle, motherhood is an amazing experience.”

Birdee Hayley (Editor of Birdee) is passionate about publishing positive, real content for women and girls. Her background in marketing, advertising and design has seen her work closely with many brands for women over the past six years, including a collection of titles at Pacific Magazines. She fucking loves science, cycling, cats, Japanese animated films, sloths, print media, food, and women doing great things. She is also Managing Editor at The Hoopla. You can follow her on Twitter:@Hayley_Gleeson.
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